The First Step

I just finished reading “Half-Broke Horses” the story of  Lily Casey Smith. Lily began helping her father break horses when she was six years old. At the age of fifteen she travelled  alone five hundred miles on horseback to her first job.  Lily was obviously one of those people who was completely fearless on a horse.

Those of us who are not Lily Smiths usually have something in our lives that brings out fear or anxiety in us.  We are usually embarrassed about our fear and so we hide it , avoid it or  compensate for it.   I stopped riding because it was a way to avoid the issue and because I was too embarrassed to tell anyone including my coach.

The first step in dealing with fear is to acknowledge that it really is okay to be afraid.  Fear is not something to be ashamed of.   For me personally the first step on the road back to successful riding was being able to speak up about my fear – to say to my coach “I am not confident enough or ready at this moment to do what you are asking me to.”

John Lyons is an internationally known and respected horse trainer.  In his DVD series on trail riding he speaks about rider fear:

“ Fear is okay. It is all right to have it.  Don’t fight it.  Learn to accept it as good common sense.  It means that we understand that it is possible to get hurt working around horses.”

So don’t be embarrassed or ashamed of your fear.  It takes courage to openly admit that you are afraid of something.   That first step is the hardest but once you bring it out in the open the chances are greater that you will do something about it.

I would like to leave you with two quotes that offer encouragement as you take that first step:

“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death.” Betty Bender

Ride (your life) With Confidence

I recently wrote an e-book called  ”Ride With Confidence”  for an on-line equestrian community. Fear is a common problem in the horse world and one that I have much experience with as a riding instructor and a former terrified rider.

In the next few posts I will be bringing some excerpts from that e- book over to this blog.  While most people will never get on a horse we all live with moments of fear and self-doubt in our personal and professional lives.  To successfully overcome my riding fears I had to develop some new and more effective self-leadership skills. Those skills have also enabled me to be more confident and successful in other areas of my life.  Hopefully they will be of use to you as well.

If any of you would like to share your experiences, advice etc. in this area I would love to hear from you!

Breathe!

I have always maintained that is easy to talk a good line about leadership.  Here is real leadership in action; calm assertiveness, clear intent, focus, empathy, balance, centered.  Beautiful to watch.

http://www.halfpassgal.com/breathevideo.htm

The Problem With Noses

We have a big problem with noses at our farm.

It seems that everyone, whether they are new visitors or people who have been with us for some time, likes to play with my horse’s noses.

We had a visitor a few weeks ago.  The woman was very excited about meeting the horses.  She had ridden when younger but had not been around horses for some time.  She immediately went up to my big guy, John, and started rubbing his nose and hugging his head.

Very politely we explained that this was not appropriate behaviour around horses.    A horse’s head and face are very sensitive and vulnerable areas.  In the wild a predator may often grab a horse by its face to bring it down for the kill.   To get in a horse’s face is considered rude and aggressive.  What the horse needs is a human leader who will establish clear physical boundaries and personal space.

Although we as predators tend to be more face-to-face than horses   I try to explain the situation in a manner people can relate to.  I usually ask “the offender” how they would feel if, upon meeting them for the first time, I began rubbing or kissing their nose.  That usually gives them pause for thought.

Our visitor moved on to meet Mikey, my haflinger pony, who was standing quietly waiting for his rider.  Mikey is a game player.  He loves to get into peoples’ personal space, nudge them with his nose and catch their clothes in his lips. He does it gently  and everyone thinks it is very cute but we know that this is  how a horse establishes dominance.

Mikey and our visitor were getting more and more wound up and on top of each other.  I finally went over and moved him quite firmly out of her space.  Mikey was fine with my actions but the woman was quite upset and accused me of being mean (whether to Mikey or her I am not sure)

I don’t expect people to understand horse behaviour as it is usually outside of their life experience.  What surprises me however is that, in spite of our explanations, they still persist in their actions. What they need from the horse – warm, fuzzy interactions – seems to take precedence over the horse’s needs – firm assertive leadership with clear boundaries.

Until people come to understand their leadership responsibilities more clearly maybe I should just keep some baby bunnies on hand.

Leadership From Below

“I know up on top you are seeing great sights but down at the bottom we too should have rights” Dr. Suess

This past  week a silly video and  an altercation out in the horses’ paddock, caused me to remember that not all leadership has to come from the top.

Let’s start with the silly video.  It began with a guy dancing by himself on a lawn in a public park.  After a while another guy joined him and then another and before long there were hundreds of people up dancing.  The point of the video was to illustrate the importance of the second dancer in starting a “movement” but what struck me was the role of the first dancer.   He inspired everyone to get up and dance and then he completely disappeared into the crowd.  For that one brief period of time, in that particular instance he was a leader.

Now let’s head out to my paddock.    John, who is the number two horse out in my boys’ herd came in the other day limping with a giant hoof-print on his back leg.  Everyone was quite surprised because John seems to be a very dominant aggressive horse who often sends the rest of the herd scattering in all directions.  There is one horse, however who does not back down to John – Snowman, my old grey gelding.  Snowman will in fact turn his butt to John and drive him out of the herd across the paddock, kicking at him with his back feet.  During these encounters Snowman, who is at all other times a non-entity in the herd, quite definitely demonstrates equine leadership (remember in horse world leadership is achieved by controlling the other horse’s movements)

These two stories hold an important lesson for me personally.  As owner of two companies and the human herd leader of 22 horses  I will admit that I like to be in charge.  Like Suzy and Nubee my equine herd leaders (see my previous post “The Essence of Leadership”)  I am confident of my leadership abilities and I believe in myself as a leader.  However, there can be a huge downside to this mindset.   When you are so used to being the guy who makes all the decisions, when you start to think that you are always right, you simply forget to listen.   You don’t acknowledge that there are others who are just as capable of leading as you are in many situations.  They may not want to be leader all the time but they can still contribute significantly and positively to your organization.  As the leader I have to learn to balance my own vision and enthusiasm with respect and recognition of the ideas, knowledge and capabilities of others.  My husband puts it much more bluntly;  I need to stop rolling over everyone like a Mack truck.

I admire Suzy and Nubee. They don’t micro-manage their herds.  There are many levels of leadership in those herds and they both seem content to let everyone else play out their various leadership roles.   Maybe I should go and live out in the herd until that concept becomes ingrained in my head.

The Essence of Leadership

If you Google the phrase “what is leadership” you get one hundred and sixteen million hits. Can there really be this many answers to what would seem to be a simple question?”   As always when faced with too much information I escape from my office and head out to my herd to see if I can get a clearer picture.

In a herd there is a very well defined leadership hierarchy.  There is of course a leader at the top.  Every horse in the herd is also responsibly for leadership of the next horse down.  That’s a lot of leadership activity on an ongoing daily basis.  So what are the criteria for leadership in the equine world?

I have two herds, one male (geldings) and one female (mares) so I have been able to observe leadership activity in two very different groups.    It is always fun to ask visitors to pick out the leader in each of our herds.    No one has ever successfully identified either of my herd leaders.

People tend to think that in the animal world  (and often in the human world as well) that it is about survival of the fittest – the biggest and toughest rise to the top.  Certainly in my herd of geldings Nubee, the leader, is a big boy.  But he is not the biggest horse in the group.  In the mare’s herd Suzy is half the size of most of the horses she rules over.  So obviously big and tough are not leadership prerequisites.

When we think of herd dominance we often picture stallions up on their hind legs fighting with each other.  It looks very physical and very violent. Horses do exert dominance by moving each other around with body language.   It can at times get quite physical and the physicality of it can be quite dramatic to those who are not familiar with horses.   But my two leaders rarely engage in these physical games and in fact to most observers Nubee and Suzy to seem to be the most passive members in the herd.   Both of them are able to put the other horses in their place with nothing more than a look.

Both my herd leaders are very intelligent horses but then so are many of the others. At the bottom of each herd are Snowman and Sugar – two of the most intelligent horses I have ever worked with.   They will never be herd leaders but they know how to quietly attend to their own survival needs.

Leadership in a herd is not a result of winning a popularity contest.  My other horses, especially the geldings, will often interact and play horse games with each other but the two leaders always stand apart from such activities.  Being the herd leader actually seems like a lonely position.

I have read many times that the leader in a mixed herd is usually an older horse.  This would lead us to conclude that a horse earns its way to the top through age and life experience.   Suzie was only 6 years old when she took over her herd in less than 20 minutes on her first day.  The new up and coming leader of the geldings. Bob,  has just turned six.

My husband and I have spent a lot of time watching Bob as he has matured in the herd.  He and my other young horse Swish, have grown up together.  While Swish is quite happy bouncing around near the bottom of the herd playing games with his buddies Bob has always kept himself apart from such activities.  The only horse he really spends time with is Nubee.  It is obvious to us that Bob has moved up to second place. If anything were to happen to Nubee  Bob would step naturally into the role of herd leader.  What is not obvious is how Bob got to this position in the hierarchy.   Like Nubee his actions have never been overtly dominant or aggressive.

So what is it that sets Nubee, Suzie and Bob apart as herd leaders?

I believe that leadership starts with an innate drive or belief that is so strong that not to be the leader is unthinkable.   I have never seen Nubee or Suzy  or even Bob for that matter hesitate or appear to second-guess themselves about their role in the herd.  They have complete belief and confidence in their ability to do the job as well as a willingness to, step up to the plate and take responsibility for getting the job done.   Through body language, intent, or presence – whatever you would like to call it – they have been able to convey that intention to the rest of the herd

Within any human group or organization there is always a leadership hierarchy, just as there is in an equine herd.   We all need to have some skills of self-leadership to get ourselves successfully through life.  At some time it will also be inevitable that we find ourselves in the position of having to lead someone else.   But not all of us have the desire, the intention or the unshakeable conviction that we meant to be ‘the’ leader.  That state of mind is reserved for the few who do indeed rise to the top.

Turning Loose

It has been a few years since I have worked with other people’s horses as managing my own herd of twenty two takes up most of my time.  When a friend of mine recently asked me to help her with her horse I was somewhat reluctant. Working with someone’s horse is a little like disciplining their child. It can be a delicate situation that carries a lot of responsibility if things go wrong. Although I agreed to help I was more than a little nervous about the upcoming training session.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that stepping outside my comfort zone would be a powerful learning experience.

Tracy’s horse, Oliver, is a big athletic ex-race horse who is very friendly and, according to Tracy, compliant in most situations.  She was having trouble however with an exercise that we call ‘push and draw.’  Push and draw is a foundation exercise in our equine training system of natural horsemanship.  We ask the horse to move his hind end away from us and turn to face us.  The horse will then follow as we draw him along with us.   We call it the relationship exercise.  It enables us to establish a leadership role with our horse quickly and effectively.  Because they have a strong need for leadership our horses love this exercise and we often use it as a reward during training.  The fact that Oliver was not responding was puzzling.

When Tracy brought Oliver into the arena I could immediately see anxiety and tension in his high head and stiff carriage.  When I asked him to move his hind end away, instead of smoothly crossing one hind foot over the other, he crow hopped around in an awkward and jerky fashion.  His front feet rotated but remained firmly planted in the dirt despite my efforts to draw him forward with me.  His entire body was braced and resistant.

It turned out that a previous trainer had taught Oliver to plant his feet and not move forward. To stay rooted in one spot goes against the natural instincts of a horse. In the wild horses must be able to move their feet at all times in order to flee predators and threatening situations.  While it is important to be able to influence the direction and speed of a horse’s movement, stopping all forward motion results in the anxiety and tension that I could see so clearly in Oliver.

It took twenty minutes of persistent coaching and gentle insistence to convince Oliver that he could in fact move forwards.  At that moment of realization the change in Oliver was instant, obvious and quite remarkable.  Every muscle in his body relaxed and his head dropped from the rafters down toward his knees. Within moments he was smoothly crossing one hind foot in front of the other and following us around the arena like a large puppy.

In natural horsemanship we call this dramatic change  ‘turning loose’.  Turning loose describes the relaxation of the horse’s mind and body as he is allowed to follow his natural instincts and move freely forward of his own volition.

As I drove home from the arena that night I wondered how often I had inadvertently, through words or actions, blocked the forward motion and natural instincts of my employees.  Looking back I could recall situations in which they had looked as tense and resistant as Oliver.

My experience with Oliver caused me to look at my leadership from a new perspective.  I realize now that if I want an engaged, committed and productive team of employees I have to ‘turn them loose’ so they each may contribute in their own way to the vision and direction of our organization.

Cowboy Leadership

The only thing I clearly remember about the last five books I read on leadership theory is that I didn’t finish them.  After a while leadership theory is just not that exciting.

I do however remember and often go back to re-read the writings of the people who first inspired me: Mark Rashid, Buck Brannaman, Chris Irwin, Ray Hunt, John Lyons, Clint Anderson.  These names are not known in the corporate world. These authors were ranch hands and cowboys for much of their lives before they went on to become internationally respected horse trainers and clinicians.  They live their leadership philosophy daily in a real and immediate sense as they climb on the backs of untrained and sometimes dangerous horses. Thousands of people attend their clinics yearly to learn about their practical, straightforward approach to leadership.

I have had the privilege of learning horsemanship first hand from some of these men.  I have the pleasure of reading all their stories about the horses and people they work with. They are simple, to the point, engaging and memorable – in the same way good leadership should be.   These books may be about leadership and horses but it is a simple matter to make the analogies to human leadership

Here are just a few of my favourites.  All of these books can be found at Amazon or Chapters.

Books by Mark Rashid:

Whole Heart, Whole Horse: Developing Consistency, Dependability, Trust, and Peace of Mind Between Horse and Rider (my all time favourite)

Life Lessons From a Ranch Horse

Horses Never Lie: The Heart of Passive Leadership

A Good Horse is Never a Bad Colour

Horsemanship Through Life

Books by Chris Irwin:

Horses Never Lie

Dancing with your Dark Horse

Happy Reading!

The Quarter Rule

When you work with a horse you get back exactly what you give.

If I ask my horse to move by pushing on him with 10 pounds of pressure he will lean back on me with exactly 10 pounds of pressure.   There’s a lot of pressure being exerted (20 pounds) but it isn’t getting us anywhere.

If I want my horse to move I don’t have to touch him.  I can move him wherever I want to go by using my body energy.  Sometimes I just have to look at his feet and he will move.  That’s how sensitive a horse is.

This concept of asking with less is often very difficult for my students to understand.  I say “softer, softer!”   but they don’t seem to  know what softer feels like. Humans are used to pushing and pulling to get what we want.   We very rarely stop to think about how much pressure we are using in our requests or demands.  It is usually too much.

One day I came up with the idea of quantifying that “soft feel.”  I asked my students to think of moving their horse by lifting the rein for a quarter of an inch, with a quarter ounce of pressure for a quarter of a second.   The quarter measurement was an arbitrary one but it helped everyone to understand the concept of asking lightly.

My students were delighted with the results.  They could not believe how incredibly light and responsive their horses were.  One of them asked me if all horses could be trained to respond this softly.  The correct question should have been whether all humans could be trained to ask this softly.

Dealing With That Difficult Employee

The other day a question was posted to one of my  leadership networking sites.  The author asked if it was possible to change  the “bad attitude” of difficult  employees.

At one time or other, every leader/employer has had to deal with a difficult employee. It can be a discouraging, frustrating and energy-draining experience. However, I recently came across some “horse sense” that offers a unique and positive perspective on improving these challenging relationships.

I have a difficult employee named Bob.  Bob is a beautiful six year old paint horse.   Still young, Bob has the potential to be a great riding horse. He is very intelligent and extremely confident. That confidence however comes with a lot of attitude.

Bob would challenge my leadership capabilities in very subtle ways.  He would casually walk away as I was getting on him. He would bump me with his nose as I walked   in front of him. He has at times tried to spin me off and brush me off.  We constantly argued about which one of us should be setting the pace during our rides. When I asked him to trot, he would fling his head in the air and charge forward. He had two speeds – too fast and too slow.

In the corporate world, difficult employees are often called into the office and given “the talk” about their attitude.  In the horse world, many people carry a crop and strike their horse when it misbehaves. It seems to me that both these solutions are reactive and ineffective. At best they may solicit grudging cooperation. What I wanted in Bob was a willing and engaged partner.

While searching for a solution to our relationship issues I came across several articles written by John Lyons a long-time and well-known horse trainer.  One of his beliefs in particular caught my attention.  John’s philosophy is that you shouldn’t worry about your horse’s bad attitude.  You can’t fix a bad attitude because you can’t see an attitude – it’s intangible.  Instead, John says, focus on changing your horse’s behaviour by asking for specific physical responses.

I began following John’s training system-taking control of one part of Bob’s body at a time.  Using light pressure on the rein I asked Bob to tip his nose towards me.  I asked him to move his back end away from me. I asked him to back up. I asked him to step sideways.  I spent a lot of time practicing my requests so that I was asking with lighter pressure each time.

I expected to put in a lot of time and effort before seeing any significant change in Bob.  I was amazed at how quickly he started to cooperate and how our fast relationship improved.   Once I stopped reactively disciplining him and began to proactively shape and reinforce positive responses working together became a positive and enjoyable experience for both of us.

The most interesting discovery was how difficult it was for Bob to flex his neck or bend his body.  This was significant because horses cannot separate their physical actions from their thoughts and emotions.  As Bob and I practiced together and he became more physically flexible his behaviour became less rigid and dominant as well.  As his body softened so did his attitude.

As a business owner, a consultant and a teacher I run into a lot of human attitudes (including my own!).  I know now that the answer is not to deal with that attitude in a head-on manner, but instead to work on changing behaviour by eliciting positive responses to subtle, simple requests.   I believe that we are very much like horses in that as our  behaviours change so does our outlook on life.

As for Bob – he is still adamant about expressing his opinion at times but I now look at each of our conversations as an opportunity to further improve what is now becoming a great relationship.